Michael Gove and the little yacht that could.
He’s an interesting fellow is Michael Gove. While seeming to be totally competent in his role as chief deconstructionist of the working class education system [Policy No 21b: If they won’t vote for us, we won’t teach them how to vote], Gove seems to have found himself in slightly tricky waters (yes, we’ll run with those sorts of comments early on here) regarding a proposed new royal yacht. However, scorn should be held back for the time being, after all, in these times of austerity we are all being pressed, even the Royal Family, and gigantic yachts just don’t come as cheap as they once did. After all, those pesky unions and their meddling have meant that you can’t expect your ship building crew to return a death rate of a minimum of 5% anymore, the busybodies tend to expect that number to be a lot lower these days!
So, given that ol’ Queeny is going to be having a little bit of a knees up sometime in June, Gove presented the frankly brilliant idea of giving her a giant boat. Well, not so much Gove giving her a giant boat, but the nation. Of course, plenty of wealthytodos were ready to claim that private money would play its part, but Gove was confident that the general public would be more than willing to cut off their thumbs, sell them to medical science, and donate the profits to the ‘old woman gets older, let’s give her a boat’ campaign. It seemed so perfect.
However, it seems to be the case that the general public are in fact a little less keen about lopping off their limbs to be able to contribute to this perfectly reasonable birthday present. So to, was David Cameron, who seemed to distance himself from the project rather hurriedly [must be some manner of republican then, not wanting the public to buy the ol’ crone a boat an all], muffling something about times of austerity, and possibly it being inappropriate to ask a general public to pay for a multi-million pound boat, at the same time as many of them seem to be considering selling their blood in order to pay for bread [extreme perhaps, but it could be happening].
So poor old Michael Gove is left on his own, with his crowd of billionaires of course, isolated and left out in the dark, and all for want of buying a birthday present. Never mind Michael, I’m sure there are other things you might encourage the nation to do for her, such as reintroducing child labour, slavery as a solution to the pensions deficit, and re-colonising the commonwealth, all perfectly reasonable thing to ask the general public to foot the bill for, and we all hope that he will try, one of those at the very least…