(not actual) Welsh NHS Spending Solutions.
It has been revealed that several Welsh local health boards have been the recipients of Welsh Government grants, issued in order to meet spending targets and keep the books balanced for the financial year. At a time of difficult austerity measures, swinging cuts to the Welsh health service have been made, but it would appear not early enough and solutions are being sought.
Leading fictional independent health advisor Doctor Scalpel highlighted ‘the main problem that we have with the NHS in Wales, is that there are people who need treatment, it’s been a problem since day one’. Pressed on solutions to the current spending issues, Doctor Scalpel suggested that ‘what we need now is a redistribution of NHS resources into more layers of management and staff training, to make our work force better equipped to not administer medicine. We will only start to see real savings when we get better at closing the door to patients’ adding ‘it’s about time we had a reality check on what the NHS is actually here for, patient care is our number 1 priority, but we will only achieve that goal if we treat less patients, it’s quite simple really’.
Meanwhile, anti-language campaigners were quick to suggest that ‘the NHS in Wales can be saved quite simply, by stopping Welsh language funding. The Welsh language is a huge financial drain and its removal could easily save the NHS here in Wales’. The comments were quickly endorsed by celebrity disc jockey Jimmy Dolphin who eagerly suggested that ‘twenty seven lives are lost a week because of the Welsh language’.
The Welsh Government was not available to comment on these made up observations.